I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
