It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
