She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
