i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
