Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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