I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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