Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
