i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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