Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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