I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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