Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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