dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
smell my finger.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
