I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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