he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
