We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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