I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
