Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
