hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
