She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
