dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
