too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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