You just made me feel so damn special
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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