He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize