i jhust puked up my retainher.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
