well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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