Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
