Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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