Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
