apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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