I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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