Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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