i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize