Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
