I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
