She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
