She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
