i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
