Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
