Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
