i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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