ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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