I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
