I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
