Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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