I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
