it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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