tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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