I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
