boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
