I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
