Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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