Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
