sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
