your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
