Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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