unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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