dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
