You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize