two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
