So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
