I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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