if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
