Your dad touched me again.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize