Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
