so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
honey bunches of taint.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
