I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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