I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
