My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
