u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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