is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
