You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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