I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
