Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
