Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
