sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
