Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
