I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
