Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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