his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
