I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
