I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
