so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
