She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
