So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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