Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
