If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
