Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
