??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Green mimosas i think yes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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