After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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