dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best revenge is premature balding
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
